Baptism

I just had the most amazing walk at the beach! Man, God is so good!! Normally I go down to the beach to talk to God about my pain, my hurts, my wounds, etc., but this walk I felt an overwhelming since of peace and lightness, and my prayer reflected it. I was able to focus on practical things, such as money and provision, and well, I’ll just say comparatively very small current things.

I felt God asking me to look at the ocean, and there was a real since of excitement I felt in his voice, like a little kid. In looking at it a felt a reminder coming up, “Look Kellie, see!? Do you remember what happened here just 3 days ago? You were baptized!” It really warmed my heart feeling that it apparently meant a lot to him that I was baptized, because I really never knew how I felt about getting baptized a second time. So I was like, “Yeah God, that was an awesome experience.. such a good day.” And I really did feel warmed at his sweet presence, and I was thankful for that. He wasn’t finished though. He kept going. I felt him pointing at my lightness wanting me to focus on it. Sure enough, revelation hit me in that moment. I haven’t felt heavy inside in three days, and by that I mean I haven’t been struggling with the overwhelming weight of my past.

Okay, so now I’m going to paraphrase what I felt he was telling me:

“Kellie, look out at the ocean. Do you realize what happened out there? Yes, it is symbolic, but it is powerful. You just took part in John’s baptism, that is, the baptism of repentance. I’ve told you this before, ‘Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!’ See how big the ocean is Kellie? That ocean is symbolic of my grace, and your old self has been washed away by my grace. That old you that you struggled with, it is gone. Your past, all the sin of your past, my grace has washed you clean. You don’t feel the weight of your old self anymore because that person is gone and you are a new creation!”

I can’t tell you how powerful that was to me. See, before this, I really did feel the weight of my past. I hate digging it up over, and over, and over again. I hate dwelling in it. I hate feeling like I need years of work, years of inner healing, years of Jesus washing away my sins before I can feel complete and whole again. The work seemed too overwhelming and too tiring. I hate going through every memory feeling like I need to go through it again with the truth of Jesus in order to find healing. I swear that there is a supernatural inner work that takes place in water baptism. It’s like all my sin is totally gone, and that I am a totally new person that doesn’t have to dwell in the past anymore. God has way too much for my future to take all the time to dwell in the past, trying to go back and fix everything that I went through with truth. I’m not saying that he will never take me back from time to time as a reminder of where I‘ve been, but he definitely doesn’t want me to dwell there. I feel light, I feel free! I feel like I’m lacking in nothing! So does that mean that I have been made whole and complete?

Then he asked me to go to the sand where it was still wet from the tide and to start writing in the sand every sin that came to mind. I thought it was odd, especially after everything that he just spoke to me, but I did it anyway. I started writing every sin that came up in my heart that I had formally felt like I still had to deal with and conquer from my past. As I was trying to write all these words in the sand, I noticed that the water underneath the sand made it hard for the words to stick as I was writing them, but finally I stood back and watched a wave completely wash away the rimenence of what was left of the words that I had written. I felt him telling me at that time, “Any time that you have sin in your life from now on, come to me, bring me that sin, and watch it get washed away by my grace, by my unconditional love for you.” I looked up at the ocean with new eyes and saw the ocean as his love and grace for me. The best part is that the waves of his grace never stop coming; they will never stop washing my heart clean. When we are in relationship with him, we get to experience his grace, upon grace, upon grace, upon grace. All we have to do is bring him all the crap that rises out of our hearts, no more digging required. He is so awesome, and his love is huge beyond measure!

I strongly encourage anyone who feels a heaviness from their past, who is carrying around the weight of it on their soldiers, to go get baptized, even if that means that you get baptized again. I believe with all my heart that God wants us to know his heart in baptism, that it isn’t about something we do in order to get into heaven, but it is a symbolic act of understanding his love for us and in understanding the work of the cross. Getting baptized is repentance, and by that I mean a rededication and turning back to Jesus, wanting him to be Lord of your life, and coming back into agreeance with God in knowing that his will in our lives is the only way to abundant life! If you struggle with the guilt of sin or a heavy past of hurt and oppression, let that water of baptism wash it away. I promise you won’t regret it!!