It's 4 in the morning and I just haven't been getting enough sleep lately. There have been many contributing factors to this insomnia, but the main one I've been meaning to blog about for some time now.
On January 3rd I'm finally leaving to go experience what it is that I've been wanting to do for three years. I'm taking off for 2 1/2 months to join a group at a YWAM base in Pismo Beach, and then I'll be heading off with that group for another 2 1/2 - 3 months for mission outreach to some remote area of the world. I chose the base that I did because their focus is on the arts and justice for sex slavery and children soldiers. I couldn't dream up a better combination, and I am crazy excited to go to work at this.
The purpose of using the arts in mission work is that it is a powerful tool of communication because it breaks all language barriers. Beyond that, being a strongly visual person, the arts is what opened me up to God again and I have no doubt in my mind that it was the arts that saved my life. My life changed dramatically after my trip to Florence. After looking at painting after painting after painting of Christ crucified, and many other religious works of the renaissance, something stirred inside me that woke me up and reopened my heart. My life hasn't been the same sense. I was on a downward spiral before then, and I have no doubt that that trip and experience was divine intervention. I could only hope that my art will too be such an avenue into others as well.. I could only hope and pray that my work could bring the gift of life to another the way that the masters of the renaissance did so for me. I wonder if they knew what they were doing. The very word renaissance means rebirth: the rebirth of mind, spirit, philosophy, individualism, and vision of God. I hope I don't sound scrambled.
Anyway, this is what I want to do with my life. I guess this trip will let me know if I'm cut out for it or not. At the base, we will be preparing and equipping ourselves for what's to come. We will decide as a group where it is that we will be going. From what I was told, somewhere in the middle-northeastern part of Africa is a really good possibility. I'm so excited, and so scared, and I'm so overwhelmed with feelings that I don't even know how to process it all. This could be a door opening to a whole new life, or it could end up being a life-changing experience that I'll forever be grateful for. I really don't want to think of any other possibility. I don't know what lies ahead, but the one thing I do know is that change is good, and as scared as I am of change I know that I know that it will be awesome!
You guys please keep me in heart, mind, and prayer. I need all the support I can get right now, and thank you so much to those who have supported me! One thing I've already learned in the process of preparing to leave is to never take your relationships with those who love you for granted. Those relationships endure forever, and I am extremely grateful for those loved ones in my life. They hold me up and support me when I'm weak, I can only hope that I can do the same for those whom I love.
I'll continue blogging for at least the first part of my trip in Pismo, so keep up to date if you can!
Love you guys!
Kell
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
Outside the Box
Monday, April 21, 2008
Outside the Box
God delivered His people from Egypt into and extensive and intense training program into the desert to show them the way back to Holiness. Everything that they formally knew had to be wiped clean so that God could restore His group back to Himself. He surely was the God of great signs and wonders at that time, creating an extremely intimate relationship with His loved ones. His goal for the Hebrews was the Promised Land…
God was trying to re-establish His people back to faith, in the same way their Father Abraham was credited as righteous through his faith. God wanted His people to trust in Him and His provision alone, leading them away from every false idol. He provided their food, water, and every means of survival, yet still they grumbled because their desperately wicked hearts longed for the old days, back in Egypt, where faith was not needed and a sense of false security was their comfort. God saw their dark, enslaved, desperate condition, and heard their cries for help, so He delivered them, but they lacked the faith needed for personal, intimate relationship with God. They longed for a God in a box, one they could predict and worship based on their knowledge of who He was, giving them the power for righteousness by works instead of trusting in the God that it takes humbleness to fellowship with. Trust and faith in the unknown goes against the human heart, which longs to know all and be empowered through that knowledge. One can only have faith in a humble position, only knowing one thing for certain – that they don't know anything – nothing about the ways of God, allowing us to open up to all possibilities in God so that He can be everything that He is to the core of His being without restrictions or limitations. Jesus says, "According to your faith, be it unto you." If we put God in a box and make Him predictable, we close ourselves from everything else that He is outside that box that we have created, causing us to miss out on a very intimate relationship with Him. He wants to take us on a journey showing us who He is and all His ways, but we limit ourselves from that journey when we proclaim we already have full knowledge of what that journey is. He wants to wow you and surprise you and love you and speak to you, but we tend to see Him as more of a person of authority and power than a loving father who seeks an intimate, loving relationship. Oh He is so loving, so merciful, so kind, and so gentile with us. He loves us so much that He is jealous of our affections elsewhere because He longs for us to only have eyes for Him – not for money, wealth, power, human wisdom, unhealthy human relationship and every other false idol out there. He actually gets jealous when we look to those things before Him. That means He is so invested in relationship with us that the Almighty God gets JEALOUS! How is that possible!? Over-obsessed lovers get jealous for us, not God, right!? Wow! He is so in love with us, but instead we don't count that as a possibility and instead put Him in the box of judge… How SAD!
I see too many Christians who have stopped at salvation, or deliverance from Egypt. So many go to church for their Sunday tradition, or to get fueled-up with God's presence before their next hard week to come. Christians should be running to church on Sunday with energy, strength and love to worship and commune with fellow believers, and in order to encourage and lift-up non-believers! We are called to live in an EVERY SINGLE DAY relationship with the Lord! Jesus want s to be Lord of our everyday lives, Number One in every decision we make. We all fall way short of that ability, choosing to slander and gossip instead of edifying one another, for example. Jesus wants us to walk in faith every day, faith in God's provision and in His Lordship. He wants us to come to the realization that we know nothing, so that we give Him the freedom to live outside the box in our every-day lives. He wants to love you, and then show us how to love others. His love for you can so fill your heart every day, so that joy will overflow from our hearts and affect the lives of everyone around us. That is how we change the world – by allowing Him to love us enough that it overflows into amazing love and generosity for mankind. His heart becomes our heart, His eyes become our eyes, His ears become our ears, and His longing becomes our longings. Jesus is alive today, alive in His spirit that lives in us. He is alive in you and me. God brought the Kingdom of Heaven down through Jesus, and Jesus is in turn is bringing it down through you and me (His church) in order to restore this broken world back to God. The question is, are we willing to be humble enough to let God be God, free of our precepts, and do we have faith enough to let Jesus be the lord of our ever day lives? The only way that we can bless others is if we are first blessed. I think far too often we try to love others on our own strength alone. I've heard it said that we can only love others to the same measure that we know God loves us. We have to know love before we can love; we have to experience love before others can experience love from us. God wants to bless us first, so that in turn we bless others. Amazing…
The Hebrew's lacked faith, and that is why they turned from God and worshiped a false idol. They longed for a God in a box – one they could see, touch, smell, comprehend, and logically understand. They made God everything He wasn't in the very essence of His being, so God in return gave them law, and I'm sure He did so with a grieved heart. They only reflected who we are in our very human condition which is why we so desperately need a Savior, because man alone is too weak with hearts that are desperately wicked.
Do you have faith enough to let God be God? Are you willing to get rid of who you think He is and let Him show you personally who He is?? Can you humble yourself enough to admit that you don't know the ways of God and ask Him to show you Himself? Can you trust in the Lordship of Jesus Christ in every decision you make? And last but not least, can you fully let down your defenses to let Jesus come in and love on you right where you are?
God is so AWESOME!
I love you guys!!
Kellie
(PS Every word that I write, I write to myself as well, but I can promise you that I really give the Lord my all! :)
Outside the Box
God delivered His people from Egypt into and extensive and intense training program into the desert to show them the way back to Holiness. Everything that they formally knew had to be wiped clean so that God could restore His group back to Himself. He surely was the God of great signs and wonders at that time, creating an extremely intimate relationship with His loved ones. His goal for the Hebrews was the Promised Land…
God was trying to re-establish His people back to faith, in the same way their Father Abraham was credited as righteous through his faith. God wanted His people to trust in Him and His provision alone, leading them away from every false idol. He provided their food, water, and every means of survival, yet still they grumbled because their desperately wicked hearts longed for the old days, back in Egypt, where faith was not needed and a sense of false security was their comfort. God saw their dark, enslaved, desperate condition, and heard their cries for help, so He delivered them, but they lacked the faith needed for personal, intimate relationship with God. They longed for a God in a box, one they could predict and worship based on their knowledge of who He was, giving them the power for righteousness by works instead of trusting in the God that it takes humbleness to fellowship with. Trust and faith in the unknown goes against the human heart, which longs to know all and be empowered through that knowledge. One can only have faith in a humble position, only knowing one thing for certain – that they don't know anything – nothing about the ways of God, allowing us to open up to all possibilities in God so that He can be everything that He is to the core of His being without restrictions or limitations. Jesus says, "According to your faith, be it unto you." If we put God in a box and make Him predictable, we close ourselves from everything else that He is outside that box that we have created, causing us to miss out on a very intimate relationship with Him. He wants to take us on a journey showing us who He is and all His ways, but we limit ourselves from that journey when we proclaim we already have full knowledge of what that journey is. He wants to wow you and surprise you and love you and speak to you, but we tend to see Him as more of a person of authority and power than a loving father who seeks an intimate, loving relationship. Oh He is so loving, so merciful, so kind, and so gentile with us. He loves us so much that He is jealous of our affections elsewhere because He longs for us to only have eyes for Him – not for money, wealth, power, human wisdom, unhealthy human relationship and every other false idol out there. He actually gets jealous when we look to those things before Him. That means He is so invested in relationship with us that the Almighty God gets JEALOUS! How is that possible!? Over-obsessed lovers get jealous for us, not God, right!? Wow! He is so in love with us, but instead we don't count that as a possibility and instead put Him in the box of judge… How SAD!
I see too many Christians who have stopped at salvation, or deliverance from Egypt. So many go to church for their Sunday tradition, or to get fueled-up with God's presence before their next hard week to come. Christians should be running to church on Sunday with energy, strength and love to worship and commune with fellow believers, and in order to encourage and lift-up non-believers! We are called to live in an EVERY SINGLE DAY relationship with the Lord! Jesus want s to be Lord of our everyday lives, Number One in every decision we make. We all fall way short of that ability, choosing to slander and gossip instead of edifying one another, for example. Jesus wants us to walk in faith every day, faith in God's provision and in His Lordship. He wants us to come to the realization that we know nothing, so that we give Him the freedom to live outside the box in our every-day lives. He wants to love you, and then show us how to love others. His love for you can so fill your heart every day, so that joy will overflow from our hearts and affect the lives of everyone around us. That is how we change the world – by allowing Him to love us enough that it overflows into amazing love and generosity for mankind. His heart becomes our heart, His eyes become our eyes, His ears become our ears, and His longing becomes our longings. Jesus is alive today, alive in His spirit that lives in us. He is alive in you and me. God brought the Kingdom of Heaven down through Jesus, and Jesus is in turn is bringing it down through you and me (His church) in order to restore this broken world back to God. The question is, are we willing to be humble enough to let God be God, free of our precepts, and do we have faith enough to let Jesus be the lord of our ever day lives? The only way that we can bless others is if we are first blessed. I think far too often we try to love others on our own strength alone. I've heard it said that we can only love others to the same measure that we know God loves us. We have to know love before we can love; we have to experience love before others can experience love from us. God wants to bless us first, so that in turn we bless others. Amazing…
The Hebrew's lacked faith, and that is why they turned from God and worshiped a false idol. They longed for a God in a box – one they could see, touch, smell, comprehend, and logically understand. They made God everything He wasn't in the very essence of His being, so God in return gave them law, and I'm sure He did so with a grieved heart. They only reflected who we are in our very human condition which is why we so desperately need a Savior, because man alone is too weak with hearts that are desperately wicked.
Do you have faith enough to let God be God? Are you willing to get rid of who you think He is and let Him show you personally who He is?? Can you humble yourself enough to admit that you don't know the ways of God and ask Him to show you Himself? Can you trust in the Lordship of Jesus Christ in every decision you make? And last but not least, can you fully let down your defenses to let Jesus come in and love on you right where you are?
God is so AWESOME!
I love you guys!!
Kellie
(PS Every word that I write, I write to myself as well, but I can promise you that I really give the Lord my all! :)
Monday, April 30, 2007
What I have learned about love
What have I learned about love? I learned that a life without love is a life not worth living. For we are not truly alive unless we are able to embrace what we love with all of our hearts, not through the sinful nature of our flesh, for love is not idolatry. Our modern hearts are so wounded that the fragments seem beyond repair. This reaps deep unrest and sorrow in my soul. Mankind reaches to social standards in order to find happiness and fulfillment, but instead, is left empty handed and broken hearted trying to meet man's standard of perfection. I've spent too many years trying to find myself instead of losing myself… nothing healed the pain within, seeking love in all the wrong places. To man I am nothing but a lonely number, but to God I am a precious jewel worth more than the Hope Diamond could ever dream of being. God's love is the only true love, gently mending the pieces of my broken heart back together again. He loved me enough to save me – The Good Sheppard leading me through His gate. My heart is full again, pumping vigorously by the hand of the Holy Spirit, leading me through the trenches to the Promised Land. Why He chose me I'll never know. Oh Blessed Trinity, thank you for setting me free! Now I know intimacy for the first time; I am stripped bare with every flaw for you to see - only you know who I am. Completely vulnerable, you treat me with kindness and gentle love, removing my sins to throw to waste so you and I shall see them no more. All shame and guilt is wiped away, and others eyes don't burn any more – You are all that matters. I draw all of my strength from you. You exposed me and then saved me. The darkness has turned to light. May I be a light of yours now Lord, drawing others closer to your glory, so that they may too know pure love as I do and be set free in your Holy name.
~Kellie
~Kellie
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Italia Salvation
Italy was my moment of Salvation. It's amazing to look back and see how God orchestrated it all. As soon as I arrived, I noticed there was a different feeling in the air; I thought it was the art and the history, which maybe that's all it was at first. Our teacher led us up to St. Mineato, a church atop the highest hill in Florence. It was a 45 min. hike - grueling to the joints and feet - but it was well worth every step of the way. The beauty of the landscape of Florence was breathtaking, and the higher up we got, the more I was amazed at God's creation. We reached the top and I was out of breath, but tears filled my eyes at the thought that I just took the same journey that the pilgrims took many ages ago. That hike was meant from day one to symbolize one's spiritual journey to God, and I thoroughly understood that beautiful concept once I reached the top. When I first saw the church from a distance, I thought I'd never make it by myself ~ but once I was looking at the church up close, I felt as though I was at the right hand of God.
Once I entered the Cathedral, it was dark and it took a few minutes for my eyes to adjust. The whole world outside me had suddenly disappeared and my thoughts were solely on God's Kingdom. The smell in the air was sweet, the air around me felt cool. The silence brought me peace and my eyes had never been struck by such beauty before. All my senses were lifted up simultaneously, transcending me into a realm I'd never experienced before. Before I entered I was tired, hot, and weary, but now I was awake, cool, and in awe. My whole body was tingling and I felt myself shudder at the sight of an ancient monk, dressed in a all white robe, praying in the pews. The shudder ran up and down my spine creating goose bumps all over my body. The presence of the Lord was thick, like a blanket of fog too dense to see. I dropped to my knees and prayed in a pew, right next to where my favorite monk had been sitting earlier. The presence of the Lord was upon me, and I prayed my thanks to Him. I've never felt so thankful for everything that I had been given in this life. It was the perfect moment in the perfect place, and from that moment on - He never left my side. It took a long time after to soak in all the art that surrounded me ~ the ancient fading frescos on the wall were more amazing than any art I had seen previously. I was forced to leave the church ~ I could have spent days in there. As soon as I walked out the door, the real material world hit me again - it was one of the most shocking moments of my life. I started to ask myself, "What just happened in there? Did that really just happen?!" It was all so surreal. I was once again forced to go back down to the city, but God's spirit was with me this time. I felt as though I had gaurdien angels surrounding me ~ I was on a spiritual high. His presence stayed with me the rest of the trip, and I felt like I had just been woken inside. I'd never felt so alive before ~ experiencing everything all over again ~ as though it was the first time. Everything I had ever known all the sudden made sense. I felt a new sense of wisdom had overcome me, giving me power within. The word 're-born' had never hit me so strongly ~ and now I knew the Holy Spirit dwelt within. I had a new conscience before God, that shuddered at the thought of sin. His spirit gave me power to overcome all that came in my way - and now I knew He was within me, forever here to stay.
How ironic that I, and artist, was reborn in the city of Florence. Florence was the place in history where the whole world was first reborn. The Renaissance movement - the very word meaning "rebirth." Before this time was the Dark Ages , where the legalistic church ruled the land, but after the time of the Renaissance, a new idea of our relationship with God came to light. Art changed, philosophy changed, poetry changed, history was changed, and now I was changed in that very place.. God does know our hearts!
Once I entered the Cathedral, it was dark and it took a few minutes for my eyes to adjust. The whole world outside me had suddenly disappeared and my thoughts were solely on God's Kingdom. The smell in the air was sweet, the air around me felt cool. The silence brought me peace and my eyes had never been struck by such beauty before. All my senses were lifted up simultaneously, transcending me into a realm I'd never experienced before. Before I entered I was tired, hot, and weary, but now I was awake, cool, and in awe. My whole body was tingling and I felt myself shudder at the sight of an ancient monk, dressed in a all white robe, praying in the pews. The shudder ran up and down my spine creating goose bumps all over my body. The presence of the Lord was thick, like a blanket of fog too dense to see. I dropped to my knees and prayed in a pew, right next to where my favorite monk had been sitting earlier. The presence of the Lord was upon me, and I prayed my thanks to Him. I've never felt so thankful for everything that I had been given in this life. It was the perfect moment in the perfect place, and from that moment on - He never left my side. It took a long time after to soak in all the art that surrounded me ~ the ancient fading frescos on the wall were more amazing than any art I had seen previously. I was forced to leave the church ~ I could have spent days in there. As soon as I walked out the door, the real material world hit me again - it was one of the most shocking moments of my life. I started to ask myself, "What just happened in there? Did that really just happen?!" It was all so surreal. I was once again forced to go back down to the city, but God's spirit was with me this time. I felt as though I had gaurdien angels surrounding me ~ I was on a spiritual high. His presence stayed with me the rest of the trip, and I felt like I had just been woken inside. I'd never felt so alive before ~ experiencing everything all over again ~ as though it was the first time. Everything I had ever known all the sudden made sense. I felt a new sense of wisdom had overcome me, giving me power within. The word 're-born' had never hit me so strongly ~ and now I knew the Holy Spirit dwelt within. I had a new conscience before God, that shuddered at the thought of sin. His spirit gave me power to overcome all that came in my way - and now I knew He was within me, forever here to stay.
How ironic that I, and artist, was reborn in the city of Florence. Florence was the place in history where the whole world was first reborn. The Renaissance movement - the very word meaning "rebirth." Before this time was the Dark Ages , where the legalistic church ruled the land, but after the time of the Renaissance, a new idea of our relationship with God came to light. Art changed, philosophy changed, poetry changed, history was changed, and now I was changed in that very place.. God does know our hearts!
Friday, May 19, 2006
Restoration
I find myself in a stage of my life where I'm ready to restore all that has been broken. By the grace of God I've been shown where I went wrong, as if I've just been woken. Through the lurering finger of the the enemy - true love and joy began to tear, engorging in moments of instant gratification, that rotted into a pit of despair. I could have listened to His wise whispers, but I chose life's bricks instead - bricks that have sobered me back to reality - now by Spiritual Truth I am led. I'm turning my decisions around now, facing back toward the Kingdom. I'm fixing the loose ends now - back together I stitch 'em. Now I can feel joy again - I can see light at the end of the tunnel, where as I was hidden in darkness before.. shaded by the hand of the devil. Welcome to the other side they say, and hold out their hands in delight. Peace and joy and harmony are here, even when all is not right. Now that I'm on the other side, I want to praise and worship all day - By His love and His grace alone - all worries and tears have been wiped away.
Lots of Love to you all!!
Kellie
Lots of Love to you all!!
Kellie
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