What have I learned about love? I learned that a life without love is a life not worth living. For we are not truly alive unless we are able to embrace what we love with all of our hearts, not through the sinful nature of our flesh, for love is not idolatry. Our modern hearts are so wounded that the fragments seem beyond repair. This reaps deep unrest and sorrow in my soul. Mankind reaches to social standards in order to find happiness and fulfillment, but instead, is left empty handed and broken hearted trying to meet man's standard of perfection. I've spent too many years trying to find myself instead of losing myself… nothing healed the pain within, seeking love in all the wrong places. To man I am nothing but a lonely number, but to God I am a precious jewel worth more than the Hope Diamond could ever dream of being. God's love is the only true love, gently mending the pieces of my broken heart back together again. He loved me enough to save me – The Good Sheppard leading me through His gate. My heart is full again, pumping vigorously by the hand of the Holy Spirit, leading me through the trenches to the Promised Land. Why He chose me I'll never know. Oh Blessed Trinity, thank you for setting me free! Now I know intimacy for the first time; I am stripped bare with every flaw for you to see - only you know who I am. Completely vulnerable, you treat me with kindness and gentle love, removing my sins to throw to waste so you and I shall see them no more. All shame and guilt is wiped away, and others eyes don't burn any more – You are all that matters. I draw all of my strength from you. You exposed me and then saved me. The darkness has turned to light. May I be a light of yours now Lord, drawing others closer to your glory, so that they may too know pure love as I do and be set free in your Holy name.
~Kellie
Monday, April 30, 2007
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Italia Salvation
Italy was my moment of Salvation. It's amazing to look back and see how God orchestrated it all. As soon as I arrived, I noticed there was a different feeling in the air; I thought it was the art and the history, which maybe that's all it was at first. Our teacher led us up to St. Mineato, a church atop the highest hill in Florence. It was a 45 min. hike - grueling to the joints and feet - but it was well worth every step of the way. The beauty of the landscape of Florence was breathtaking, and the higher up we got, the more I was amazed at God's creation. We reached the top and I was out of breath, but tears filled my eyes at the thought that I just took the same journey that the pilgrims took many ages ago. That hike was meant from day one to symbolize one's spiritual journey to God, and I thoroughly understood that beautiful concept once I reached the top. When I first saw the church from a distance, I thought I'd never make it by myself ~ but once I was looking at the church up close, I felt as though I was at the right hand of God.
Once I entered the Cathedral, it was dark and it took a few minutes for my eyes to adjust. The whole world outside me had suddenly disappeared and my thoughts were solely on God's Kingdom. The smell in the air was sweet, the air around me felt cool. The silence brought me peace and my eyes had never been struck by such beauty before. All my senses were lifted up simultaneously, transcending me into a realm I'd never experienced before. Before I entered I was tired, hot, and weary, but now I was awake, cool, and in awe. My whole body was tingling and I felt myself shudder at the sight of an ancient monk, dressed in a all white robe, praying in the pews. The shudder ran up and down my spine creating goose bumps all over my body. The presence of the Lord was thick, like a blanket of fog too dense to see. I dropped to my knees and prayed in a pew, right next to where my favorite monk had been sitting earlier. The presence of the Lord was upon me, and I prayed my thanks to Him. I've never felt so thankful for everything that I had been given in this life. It was the perfect moment in the perfect place, and from that moment on - He never left my side. It took a long time after to soak in all the art that surrounded me ~ the ancient fading frescos on the wall were more amazing than any art I had seen previously. I was forced to leave the church ~ I could have spent days in there. As soon as I walked out the door, the real material world hit me again - it was one of the most shocking moments of my life. I started to ask myself, "What just happened in there? Did that really just happen?!" It was all so surreal. I was once again forced to go back down to the city, but God's spirit was with me this time. I felt as though I had gaurdien angels surrounding me ~ I was on a spiritual high. His presence stayed with me the rest of the trip, and I felt like I had just been woken inside. I'd never felt so alive before ~ experiencing everything all over again ~ as though it was the first time. Everything I had ever known all the sudden made sense. I felt a new sense of wisdom had overcome me, giving me power within. The word 're-born' had never hit me so strongly ~ and now I knew the Holy Spirit dwelt within. I had a new conscience before God, that shuddered at the thought of sin. His spirit gave me power to overcome all that came in my way - and now I knew He was within me, forever here to stay.
How ironic that I, and artist, was reborn in the city of Florence. Florence was the place in history where the whole world was first reborn. The Renaissance movement - the very word meaning "rebirth." Before this time was the Dark Ages , where the legalistic church ruled the land, but after the time of the Renaissance, a new idea of our relationship with God came to light. Art changed, philosophy changed, poetry changed, history was changed, and now I was changed in that very place.. God does know our hearts!
Once I entered the Cathedral, it was dark and it took a few minutes for my eyes to adjust. The whole world outside me had suddenly disappeared and my thoughts were solely on God's Kingdom. The smell in the air was sweet, the air around me felt cool. The silence brought me peace and my eyes had never been struck by such beauty before. All my senses were lifted up simultaneously, transcending me into a realm I'd never experienced before. Before I entered I was tired, hot, and weary, but now I was awake, cool, and in awe. My whole body was tingling and I felt myself shudder at the sight of an ancient monk, dressed in a all white robe, praying in the pews. The shudder ran up and down my spine creating goose bumps all over my body. The presence of the Lord was thick, like a blanket of fog too dense to see. I dropped to my knees and prayed in a pew, right next to where my favorite monk had been sitting earlier. The presence of the Lord was upon me, and I prayed my thanks to Him. I've never felt so thankful for everything that I had been given in this life. It was the perfect moment in the perfect place, and from that moment on - He never left my side. It took a long time after to soak in all the art that surrounded me ~ the ancient fading frescos on the wall were more amazing than any art I had seen previously. I was forced to leave the church ~ I could have spent days in there. As soon as I walked out the door, the real material world hit me again - it was one of the most shocking moments of my life. I started to ask myself, "What just happened in there? Did that really just happen?!" It was all so surreal. I was once again forced to go back down to the city, but God's spirit was with me this time. I felt as though I had gaurdien angels surrounding me ~ I was on a spiritual high. His presence stayed with me the rest of the trip, and I felt like I had just been woken inside. I'd never felt so alive before ~ experiencing everything all over again ~ as though it was the first time. Everything I had ever known all the sudden made sense. I felt a new sense of wisdom had overcome me, giving me power within. The word 're-born' had never hit me so strongly ~ and now I knew the Holy Spirit dwelt within. I had a new conscience before God, that shuddered at the thought of sin. His spirit gave me power to overcome all that came in my way - and now I knew He was within me, forever here to stay.
How ironic that I, and artist, was reborn in the city of Florence. Florence was the place in history where the whole world was first reborn. The Renaissance movement - the very word meaning "rebirth." Before this time was the Dark Ages , where the legalistic church ruled the land, but after the time of the Renaissance, a new idea of our relationship with God came to light. Art changed, philosophy changed, poetry changed, history was changed, and now I was changed in that very place.. God does know our hearts!
Friday, May 19, 2006
Restoration
I find myself in a stage of my life where I'm ready to restore all that has been broken. By the grace of God I've been shown where I went wrong, as if I've just been woken. Through the lurering finger of the the enemy - true love and joy began to tear, engorging in moments of instant gratification, that rotted into a pit of despair. I could have listened to His wise whispers, but I chose life's bricks instead - bricks that have sobered me back to reality - now by Spiritual Truth I am led. I'm turning my decisions around now, facing back toward the Kingdom. I'm fixing the loose ends now - back together I stitch 'em. Now I can feel joy again - I can see light at the end of the tunnel, where as I was hidden in darkness before.. shaded by the hand of the devil. Welcome to the other side they say, and hold out their hands in delight. Peace and joy and harmony are here, even when all is not right. Now that I'm on the other side, I want to praise and worship all day - By His love and His grace alone - all worries and tears have been wiped away.
Lots of Love to you all!!
Kellie
Lots of Love to you all!!
Kellie
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